She doesn't see him cry at night...

WOW!  I doubt I have been missed for the past six months, but I realized I miss blogging as a way to reflect on life, so...here I am!  Things have changed since I last wrote, namely, I became the stepmother of a leukemia patient.  That's right, my oldest stepson, age 19, was diagnosed with ALL in January.  He had been having pains in his hips and lower back that would radiate down his legs, leaving him unable to walk.  He had been to the ER with no luck, and to the orthopedic doctor; he had been given steroids and pain killers, but it kept coming back.  There was a lot of treating the symptoms without searching for the root of the problem.  Thankfully the final bout landed him at a hospital that ordered a multitude of tests and kept him until there was an answer.  The first night when the doctor gave us a laundry list of what it might be, the word "leukemia" was shocking to say the least.  Over the weekend, other possibilities moved to the top of the list, based on symptoms and initial tests.  However, come Monday, the tests were conclusive that it was indeed leukemia.  Within hours he was transferred to Johns Hopkins and all I can say is we are truly blessed to live near such quality care and to have health insurance to cover it.

He was in-patient for a week, then home with his mother and stepfather.  This has been super hard for my significant other, as he has never been the custodial parent.  We would happily give his child round the clock care and take all precautions, but his mother won't allow it.  It is disheartening that so many mothers are not accepting of the the stepmothers, and hold children away from their fathers purely out of spite.  We are talking about a father who never missed a payment or visitation and who handed her a house and everything in it when they split, and who pays 50% of the college tuition (there was no need for her to threaten him with court when he didn't respond to her email about tuition within 24 hours- he works but told her he would pay,per their legal agreement, and sometimes you just need to pick up the phone).  This keeping the child away went on for the first three years we were together, then the child turned 18.  Once he did, he joined us on two family vacations and began staying at our house when home from college.  Sadly, he would just not tell her he was home with us because he didn't want grief for it.  He made it clear that we too were his family.  Now that he is sick he is under lock and key with his mother, and it is heartbreaking to watch his father, as he is relatively helpless- he has been pretty much relegated to visitor status in his ex-wife's home.  He is good for so much more than stopping at the store for her on the way over.  She doesn't allow any of the rest of us to visit, even when he is doing relatively well, and the excuses for it never end.  It forces my significant other to go through this alone at times; luckily, when I can, I accompany him to treatments, as she cannot keep me out of the hospital.  It makes me feel helpless to help him, as being with his child is the only thing that makes him feel better, and his son being cured is the only thing that will bring him peace.  The child also has 2 half siblings and three step siblings he rarely sees because of this, but with whom he is in constant touch with (thank goodness for texting, Snap Chatting, and Skype!).  He is limited to the same four walls when he is healthy enough to move to a change of scenery, but it isn't worth the wrath of his mother that he knows he will endure if he brings it up.  It really makes me wonder how many of us as parents and step parents stop and truly ponder what is best for the children.

Do you know when I realized how lucky I was to have the stepmother for my children that I do?  When my then 5 or 6 year old son said, "When xxx marries US, ...";  marries US he said!  The fact that they believed she was marrying them all three and it he knew it was all I could ask for, and to this day I am grateful to have her as a parent partner.  I just wish more parents would put the spite and hatred aside, as there isn't enough room in a child's life for that, and would assume the best about the others.  I realize my case is exceptional with my ex and his wife, and that not all parents can truly be partners, but I think it can be so more often than it is.  I see it in the school I work in all of the time.  Parents need to really stop and look at the other person, as being a less than ideal spouse does not mean someone isn't a good parent.  In fact, they might be a better parent when the hostilities are gone, and isn't that all we can ask for?

I'm not his mother.  I don't need to be his mother, he has one.  Can he have too many adults who love, support and guide him?  I don't bad mouth her in front of him, and I am nothing but kind to her.  He is, after all, her baby.  But, he is also "his" baby, and she forgets that, or just doesn't care.  I watch his heart break, and watch him say nothing, because she won't change.  I just wish she knew that I signed up for this, knowing her history, and that it wouldn't be easy, but I too "married them," and I am here to stay, and maybe, just maybe, her son is onto something when he became an adult and started spending more time with us and going home and talking about how wonderful it was.  Maybe we have it right this time and live our lives putting our children first.  Just maybe. Maybe we are together for every right reason as parents and partners, not to have children, or because it was the logical next step, or for any other reason than we love each other and want to be a family.  No matter what, in my heart one of "my" children has leukemia, and I'm here for whatever it takes to make it through this.  He is fighting for his life, he shouldn't have to fight to have the support of ALL of his family as well, it isn't about "you."

Apple Harvest Cake Heaven!

Went overboard with my apple purchase this week- I'm talking 5 types! I always mix up the apples in recipes, never using just one variety. I gave ~him~ the choice of apple cake or crisp to cook first- cake won. Decided to kick it old school & find a recipe in a cookbook- one of those community types. Oddly the ingredients don't specify apples, but it says to add them. I went with 3 medium sized apples of different varieties (Braeburn, Golden Delicious & Granny Smith), chopped tiny. Needless to say the result was Apple Harvest Cake heaven & I see the need for a crisp in the near future!

What a day!

Do you love our scoring "liters"?  What?!?  You didn't look at the heads and recognize that they are a decimeter cube, carefully cut and recut and wood glued and wood re-glued, nailed, sanded, painted, an ultimate labor of love that lasted longer than my second childbirth?  This was the Chemistry project for my stepdaughter this weekend, and let me say, WE better get an A!  The project in it's simplest form was make a decimeter cube with a grid and a label.  Decorate for extra credit.  Really be creative for extra-extra credit.  I am not a believer in extra credit for many reasons, #1 being that all children don't have resources like she does to get here...some to take her to Lowes and Michael's and spend $30, then to Home Depot when what we bought at Lowes was wrong, and thus another $12...no less than 8 hours of time of two parents tag teaming...parents who have a lot of tools and skills and a good saw and drill...and so on.  The world of extra credit just isn't a level playing field.  She decided to make herself in her soccer uniform, the other is her friend, who was also here for the duration.  Extra points for a creative name (that was me, the "Scoring Liters").  I truly don't know if she grasped the project idea from a chemistry perspective.  I truly hadn't planned to spend my Sunday on this project.  What did we get?  You might think two cute box headed soccer girls.  What do I think?  She saw I will come through for her in planning and getting materials, and sticking through it til the end, even when dad got frustrated.  I taught her to make yarn hair the easy way.  I showed her how to make a pattern, helped her saw and drill (dad helped there too)- but they did the sawing- so they know we believe they can do it.  I sewed little shoes out of felt in the simplest way, but you would have thought I bought her new Uggs.   I helped her take her idea and make it a reality, even though she could have made a box of paper and gotten an A.  We commended her for dreaming big, sticking it out even mid-day when she wanted to throw it away, and I know the dreams she has of Georgetown or JHU will probably become her reality in a few years.  Til then, she just came up and asked for help with government homework... :).  <3 my blended family.

My Summer Pinterest Project!

C'mon, you know we all had at least one! I Modge Podged me some letters and managed to hang the photos within half an inch of accurately...I need to swap out one photo ( the one with Santa) but that was some user error on cropping the beach photos too much to enlarge, so I went with a "stock" photo.  Each child was supposed to have their own, but one of them didn't have a presentable solo picture because he was hamming it up non-stop, and I love the one of ~him~ with his oldest son so there you go!  This was the first time we had all six for a week and the first time the oldest son had spent this much time with dad in years, not by dad's choice.  Turning 18 has been liberating and I will stop this story there.  To other blended families, have faith it will get easier because regardless of how challenging another parent can make it the kids know who cares and supports them, and when it comes to the point they get a real say and the courts don't have to be involved we have two that have spoken loud and clear about who they consider their family.  Our kids have truly embraced the idea and we know the nuclear family was the ideal we all started with and hoped for, but when life didn't work out that way we really think we have a good thing here all around!  Counting the days until our New Year's trip to the Outer Banks, and hoping the oldest two don't get better offers before then!

Leftovers= Steak and Brie Cheese Ciabatta Sandwiches!

 

OMG!!!  So it is date night, and I wanted something yummy but fast, admittedly enjoying a lazy Saturday afternoon of tv, yoga pants, and him!  I decided to pull out some steak from my "meat basket"- that would be the basket of random frozen cooked meat I keep in my freezer.  It is full of those pieces that are always leftover- a chicken breast here and there, half of a steak, etc.  I knew I had a steak surplus and wanted to use some it...I also freeze the extra grilled onions with the steak.  Let me tell you- key here is the steak was phenomenal the first time, and it was cooked around medium well so that re-used it didn't dry out.  Tostadas and quesadillas are a breeze with my basket.  This time I went with open faced ciabatta steak and cheeses...I get the Costco pack of ciabatta rolls, they freeze so well! I toasted them for a few minutes (literally threw them on the bottom rack of the oven while cupcakes were cooking).  I generously spread each with dijon mustard, which we both agreed made the difference.  Next, brie!  YUM!  Several slices semi spread on each piece, then some of the grilled onions, followed by steak slices and chopped tomatoes.  I cooked them at 350 for 15-20 minutes, then topped with chopped lettuce (literally the last of the lettuce I needed to use up).  I have to say I am not one to brag but these were the bomb!!!!  On the side some simple sliced apples and grapes; definitely a fresh, simple and awesome meal (with the Bota box wine on the side!)!  Leftovers do not have to be boring!

 

 

Date Night and Ravioli Rapture!

Ok, first, I have to admit, this is not an actual photo of what I made...but there wasn't a bite left of what I made and this was the closest thing I could find, and I just wasn't thinking before we ate- I live in perpetual rapture over what ravioli I am going to eat next (photo credit and another recipe that looks good here: http://easyvegetariancuisine.blogspot.com/2011/05/asparagus-gruyere-ravioli.html)!  Now, on to the story...I had about 16 of these asparagus gruyere raviolis left, didn't look like quite enough for a meal (~He~ can eat!) so there they had been sitting in the freezer.  We were having the Philips Crabcakes from Costco for dinner (yes, even I take the easy route on date night once in a while, but these are actually pretty good) and I wanted to make a side dish, and thus the idea for a ravioli pasta salad.  I searched and found a few recipes, read through them, then went off to invent mine.  IT WAS INCREDIBLE.  I pretty much went with whatever I had on hand that you would find in an antipasto or pasta salad.  To recreate this moment of rapture you need: Some cooked and cooled ravioli, about 1-1,5 cups; about 1/4 c. chopped Vidalia onion; I chopped two purple bell peppers I had gotten at the farmer's market- size wise about the equivalent to 2/3 of a large green one; about 1/4 c. chopped olives; about a cup or a little more of grape tomatoes; chopped mozzerella cubes (the "good" kind you get at Costco :)); I added some black pepper and garlic salt from the grinders, then mixed about 2-3 T of EVOO and 1 T of Balsamic Vinegar, poured it over then blended it.  It wasn't an exact science. I let it sit in the refrigerator for a few hours and thus a heavenly dish was born...suffice to say it blew away the crabcakes, but I am ok with that since I made it!

8 people, 7 days...Feed Them and They Will Come!

We recently returned from a week away with all 6 kids- too much fun!  Our kids are ages 10-21, so basically teenagers, and they can eat!  As a blended family they don't get to all spend that much time together for an extended period of time, so they were more than happy to eat in pretty much each night.  It saved us a fortune, and they could come to the table dressed however and didn't have to do hair and makeup, so it worked.  Total grocery cost for the week was around $700; required one huge trip by 2 adults (in terrential downpours no less)- I will post my list, and I organized it such that I gave ~him~ a few of the sections and I took the rest.  We returned for more deli meat, rolls, milk, cereal, and wine :).  I pre-mapped out the list based on meals and we used up 95% of what we bought, and brought home what we could (kids just love traveling with whatever food I can shove into their suitcases).  I made two desserts too, both a hit (brownies and the attached recipe), and they ate plenty of ice cream.  Their favorite time of day is lunch, because I go up first and lay it all out- they can eat some deli meat, cheeses and rolls!  The laughs were many, the food was good, they felt spoiled, I didn't feel like I was the maid because I planned ahead with meals and lists so that it wasn't that complicated...I would do it all again next year!

Here is my planning list:

Meals:

Spaghetti Meat Sauce Bread Salad	Ham Roasted Veggies Sweet Potato Fries Rolls Mac & Cheese	Burgers Hot Dogs Deviled Eggs Baked Beans Fruit Salad Fries
Breaded Chicken Green Beans Fruit Salad Yellow Rice	Frogmore Stew Bread Oranges	1 night= eat out
Desserts: Peanut Butter Chocolate Dessert Recipe Brownies Ice Cream		Pancakes Bacon Toast Scrambled Eggs Fruit

Groceries:

2 lbs. spaghetti 1 jar Ragu Noodle Os x 1 Mac & Cheese x 5 Family Size or 2 Yellow Rice	2.5 lbs ground beef 1.5 lb boneless chicken breasts 2 Ham Steaks 1 lb kielbasa 2 lbs shrimp 2 lbs bacon FF Hot Dogs x 2	2 Italian loaves 1 pack dinner rolls Bagels x 2 each- plain and cinn/raisin Wheat Bread White Bread Sub Rolls Kaiser Rolls Cake Hot Dog Potato Rolls Hamburger  Potato Rolls
Smart Balance 4 gallons milk FF Creamer Cream Cheese Spread 1 brick Cream Cheese Yogurt American Cheese Eggs- 24 Spray Whipped Cream	Lite Caesar Dressing & 1 other dressing Parm Cheese Croutons Bread and Butter Pickles Italian Bread Crumbs Lg. Can Baked Beans Jelly Peanut Butter Lg. Can Chunk Pineapple Mayo (lg) Mustard Relish Ketchup Conf. Sugar 1 box	Brownie Mix x 2 or 1 lg Small Veg. Oil Small Reeses Cups Inst. Choc. Fudge Pudding
Romaine Cherry/Grape Tomatoes Lg Tomato Green Beans Watermelon Cantaloupe Pineapple Berries Grapes Baby Carrots- small bag 3 Sweet Potatoes Zucchini x 2 10 Lg. Red Potatoes 12 ears corn Bananas- a lot! Oranges Apples Salsa	Coffee Cereal x 5 Granola Pancake Mix (that doesn’t need eggs) 2 cases bottled water	Pretzels x 2 Tortilla Chips Potato Chips or Doritos 2 packs cookies Oreos Microwave Popcorn Lite
Toilet Paper Napkins Paper Towels Paper Plates- large Trash Bags Dish Detergent Laundry Detergent Cleaning Spray or Wipes Dish Soap Bathroom Soap (Liquid) Bar Soap for Showers Shampoo/Conditioner for each bathroom Toothpaste x 2 (1 Aaron can use)	1.5 lbs. deli ham 1 lb. deli turkey or chicken 1 lb. deli roast beast 1 lb. coleslaw 1 lb. tuna salad 1/2 lb. cheese x 2 different kinds	Ice Cream x 3 (1 vanilla) Lg Bag Fries Chocolate Syrup FF Cool Whip

Bring:

Salt

Pepper

Various Sized Ziplocs, a few of each

1 c. Old Bay

3 T. Ital. Seasoning

Crystal Light Packs

Wooden Skewers

Peanut Butter Chocolate Dessert Recipe

Ingredients

• 20 chocolate cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies, divided
• 2 tablespoons butter, softened
• 1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup peanut butter
• 1-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar, divided
• 1 carton (16 ounces) frozen whipped topping, thawed, divided
• 15 miniature peanut butter cups, chopped
• 1 cup cold milk
• 1 package (3.9 ounces) instant chocolate fudge pudding mix

Directions

• Crush 16 cookies; toss with the butter. Press into an ungreased 9-in. square dish; set aside.
• In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese, peanut butter and 1 cup confectioners' sugar until smooth. Fold in half of the whipped topping. Spread over crust. Sprinkle with peanut butter cups.
• In another large bowl, beat the milk, pudding mix and remaining confectioners' sugar on low speed for 2 minutes Let stand for 2 minutes or until soft-set. Fold in remaining whipped topping.
• Spread over peanut butter cups. Crush remaining cookies; sprinkle over the top. Cover and chill for at least 3 hours. Yield: 12-16 servings.